My positions:
1) NO DOGS WITHIN CITY LIMITS. Rationale: fatal and near-fatal dog attacks, dog bites, barking dogs, whining dogs, ubiquitous dog "waste," dogs annoying citizens in parks and open space, the indulgence of dog owners. But what about seeing-eye dogs? Slippery slope, that. Sorry, no dogs (except for purposes of vivisection).
2) NO CHRISTMAS LIGHTS. Rationale: waste of electricity and other scarce resources. Global warming. Bad taste.
3) NO MUSIC WRITTEN AFTER 1897. Rationale: obvious. Why 1897? Death of Johannes Brahms. Also, no amplified music in a motor vehicle that is audible outside the vehicle.
4) NO SMOKERS. Rationale: lung cancer, heart attacks, emphysema, ashes, bad odors. Note: not "no smoking" — "no smokers." No going outside of city limits to light up and then re-entering.
5) NO IDLE CHATTER. Rationale: incontrovertible.
6) NO VISIBLE TATTOOS. Rationale: I don't like tattoos. Why visible? Whole-body inspections would be intrusive.
7) NEW ANNUAL HOLIDAY: Charles Darwin's birthday, February 12. Rationale: uncontroversial celebration of a great thinker. I reject out of hand those extremists who want to move the holiday to December 25. I'm a uniter, not a divider.
My slogan: Brilliant! Charismatic! Omniscient! Hyperbolic!
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