I've been staring into my crystal ball, sorting through chicken bones, tea leaves and the Tarot cards, observing the flights of birds, inspecting the entrails of sacrificed animals, and diddling with the Ouija board. Now I'm ready. Here are my widely-anticipated predictions for the year 2007.
1) there will be unusual weather patterns in North America;
2) a famous Hollywood actress will sue for divorce; moreover, another (or possibly the same) Hollywood star will become pregnant; another (or possibly the same) actress will gain and lose a great deal of weight;
3) a well-known athlete will be accused of taking drugs;
4) a politician will be involved in a sex scandal;
5) questions will be raised about America's food supply;
6) there will be either a monsoon, an airplane crash, or a capsized ferry in Asia–perhaps all three;
7) there will be fluctuations in the stock market, and, finally,
8) there will be turmoil in the Middle East.
There it is right on the page in black and white. No taking it back now. Eight major predictions. I know that I'm going way out on the proverbial limb, but I feel confident — not vain or proud, mind you — of my abilities as a forecaster. Let's all remember to check back at the end of the year and see how well I've performed. If I come through, I'll rank up there with the true greats of the prognosticating game: John the Revelator, Nostradamus, the National Enquirer, and Pat Robertson.
Leave a Reply