Dr. Metablog

Dr. Metablog is the nom de blague of Vivian de St. Vrain, the pen name of a resident of the mountain west who writes about language, books, politics, or whatever else comes to mind. Under the name Otto Onions (Oh NIGH uns), Vivian de St. Vrain is the author of “The Big Book of False Etymologies” (Oxford, 1978) and, writing as Amber Feldhammer, is editor of the classic anthology of confessional poetry, “My Underwear” (Virago, 1997).

DR. METABLOG’S
GREATEST HITS

The All-Johnson Team

Here's the eagerly-awaited all-Johnson NBA team:  Magic, Marques, Kevin, Dennis, Gus.  Everyone knows the first four, but only those with a few years on their backs will recall Gus Johnson, who averaged 17 points a game and 13 rebounds in nine season with Baltimore.  Johnsons in reserve:  Vinnie ("the Microwave"), Larry, Joe, Avery.  There's not a last name that can compete (there are 49 NBA Johnsons to choose from, including the three Eddies and the three Georges).

I would lay odds that the Johnsons would easily defeat the Williamses (though not in depth — 54 Williamses played in the league).  The all-Williams team:  Gus, Aaron, Buck, Walt, Deron, Jason, Herb.  All of them role players — no real stars in the group.  What about the 53 Smiths?  Could they compete with the Johnsons.  I don't think so:  Elmore, Adrian, Joe, Kenny, and all three Charleses (subsumed into one mega-Charles) could play, but they'd be better if the rules allowed them to use Rik Smits at center.  Who else?  The Millers — not much there beyond Reggie. The Joneses:  Caldwell, Bobby, Sam, K.C., Eddie, Popeye — good but not in the same league as the Johnsons.  It's Magic and the guys by a landslide.  Anyone out there with other suggestions?  Search here for the data. 

3 responses to “The All-Johnson Team”

  1. Otis Jefferson Brown Avatar
    Otis Jefferson Brown

    Sorry, I’m not up on today’s NBA Johnsons but I do remember Gus Johnson well. The baseball Johnsons could put a pretty good team out there:
    P Randy Johnson (L) or Walter Johnson (R)
    C Charles Johnson
    1B Nick Johnson
    2B Davey Johnson
    SS Howard Johnson (he did play some games at SS)
    3B Billy Johnson
    OF Bob Johnson (a 25-35 HR banger for the 1930s A’s)
    OF Alex Johnson
    OF Lou Johnson
    Okay, big hole at SS, but with the Unit or the Big Train on the mound I’ll take my chances.

    Reply
  2. Otis Jefferson Brown Avatar
    Otis Jefferson Brown

    Inspired by your all-Johnson basketball team, I’m pleased to submit the Body Parts All-Stars of Baseball:
    P Elroy Face
    P Rollie Fingers
    P Bill Hands
    P Ricky Bones
    P Joe Moeller
    C Barry Foote
    1B Fenton Mole
    2B (see below)
    SS Billy Cox (he played a lot of SS in Pit. before coming to Bklyn.)
    3B Jim Ray Hart
    OF Ted Beard
    OF Johnny Groth
    OF Heinie Manush (sorry ‘bout that)
    Unless someone can help us fill the gap at 2B, we’ll be forced to go with Jorge Orta, Jimmy Bloodworth, Don Gutteridge or Johnny Lipon, which would be a shame. But what a bullpen!

    Reply
  3. Otis Jefferson Brown Avatar
    Otis Jefferson Brown

    On second thought, give the 2B job to Jorge Orta – he’s fully qualified. And shame on me for forgetting: add Dodger immortal Ed Head to the Body Parts’ pitching staff. You can’t have too much pitching. I can hear the cheerleaders: “Gimme a B, gimme an O…..”

    Reply

Leave a Reply

RECENT POSTS

ARCHIVE

Discover more from Dr. Metablog

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading