Dr. Metablog

Dr. Metablog is the nom de blague of Vivian de St. Vrain, the pen name of a resident of the mountain west who writes about language, books, politics, or whatever else comes to mind. Under the name Otto Onions (Oh NIGH uns), Vivian de St. Vrain is the author of “The Big Book of False Etymologies” (Oxford, 1978) and, writing as Amber Feldhammer, is editor of the classic anthology of confessional poetry, “My Underwear” (Virago, 1997).

Dinner Conversation

A:  Do you remember Walter Peter, used to teach history at the university?

B.  Yes, he had quite the reputation.

A.  Lazy as sin, among other things. I was his grader in the late 60s. He never looked at a paper or at an exam. When a girl would complain about a grade, I'd tell them to go see Professor Peter. Some of them would, some of them wouldn't dare. There was this one young nubile maiden, very beautiful. She had a D on the mid-term and didn't show up for the final, so of course I gave her an F. She was one of those who were willing to see Professor Peter in his office. I never heard back from her but eventually I took a look at the grade sheet. He had changed her grade from F to B.  I asked him, how come?

B.  Did you get any kind of explanation?

A.  He said, I talked to her, and I felt sure she would have gotten an A on the final, if she had taken it, so I changed her grade. He said it with a straight face.

B.  I wonder if he thought you believed him.

A.  I don't think he even cared.       

B.  Let me tell you my favorite plagiarism story. I was handed a paper which began, "Moreover…."  Student just took a couple of paragraphs out of the middle of a chapter. Didn't even bother to change the first word.

A.  There's also the story of the student who handed in a paper with the bill from the ghost writer still in it.

B.  Here's one I heard from Don Baker.  He was teaching in  Mississippi, early in his career. Freshman English. He receives identical papers from two students in the same class. He gives an A to one and an F to the other. This would be in the 1950s sometime. The F student comes into his office.  He says, "Uh, uh, Mr. Baker.  I have a friend in the class. I sometimes study with him. He, uh, uh, handed in a paper, kind of, uh, you know, similar to mine."  Baker says, "and." The kid says, well, he got a much better grade than I did."  Baker says, or at least he swears he says, "Oh, but I like him. And I don't like you."

One response to “Dinner Conversation”

  1. I have some Liberian plagiarism stories for you. I had to laugh just so I wouldn’t cry.

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