'The placement of the human male genitalia is ridiculous and ill-conceived. What in the living heck are such sensitive and vulnerable organs doing right out there — in front, dramatically positioned to be bumped by furniture or careless hands, struck by flying objects, or pummelled by grandchildren. In any intelligently-designed universe, the penis would be entirely retractable, making its appearance only when summoned. (Nor would it be a dual-purpose organ. Every engineer knows that dedicated instruments always perform better than devices that combine functions.
Moreover, the testicles would be buried deep inside the body cavity, as, for example, the spleen or the ovaries — not hanging loose, ungirded and swattable.
Freud once remarked that the male organs of generation have not evolved in the direction of beauty. And therefore not even the crassest male flaunts his stuff to attract a mate. Or never did, not until the coming of the internet. If the parts weren't intended to beautiful, then they might as well have been concealed and protected. But not so.
Why are they where they are? The culprit, obviously, is evolution — specifically, the shift to upright posture. Four feet on the ground and the apparatus is tucked away behind the hind legs, way back there in the anterior. Protected, inconspicuous, and discreet. Stand up, and there they are just where they shouldn't be. A three-year-old child with a box of crayons could produce a better design than frontward-facing genitalia.
Instead, we're left with either another example of divine under-achievement, or further and supererogatory confirmation that the universe is disorderly, aleatory, and improvisational.
It was when women joined in standing upright that breasts came into prominence. There is no other mammalian species in which the organs of lactation are so clearly displayed. But female breasts had the good sense to evolve into an essential part of sexual display. "Hey, mister, look at these. Look how well I can nurse your babies."
Now there, at last, is an evolutionary outcome that makes sense.One that a guy can bring himself to endorse and admire.
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