I've written before about occupations that are not for me. Among them are tour guide (because of my directional dyslexia), trapeze artist (i'm terrified of heights), surgeon (frightened of gore), and dog groomer. I've also discussed possible options for future employment, such as my plan to become a power forward in the NBA. However, I'm now starting to think that, what with my back acting up again, and the NBA plagued with salary cap problems and an influx of 7-foot tall Europeans, that professional basketball might not be a realistic possibility.
But I have two new ideas. The first is to become a leader of a religious cult. I think I have what it takes: charisma, creativity, and ruthlessness. I haven't exactly come up with a theology yet, but if that Scientology guy could get away with Thetans and the "clear," I feel that I could come up with something. I'm aiming for a system of belief in which participants deed over all their worldly goods to their leader, i.e. me. And also I'd like a harem of willing maidens. I admit that some recent cult leaders have given the profession a black eye (David Koresh, Jim Jones, Charles Manson) but I have in mind something milder, something paternal or even grandpaternal. Less Kool-Aid, more chocolate milkshake.
A second idea: hedge-fund billionaire. I admit that I don't know much about hedge-funds, but I plan to get started right away by reading the Wikipedia article. How hard can it be? It's not as though they manufacture something or invent anything. And then, after you collect a couple of billions, you get to have "dark money," off-shore accounts, and your very own Super-Pac. This is a career with no discernible downside.
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