Dr. Metablog

Dr. Metablog is the nom de blague of Vivian de St. Vrain, the pen name of a resident of the mountain west who writes about language, books, politics, or whatever else comes to mind. Under the name Otto Onions (Oh NIGH uns), Vivian de St. Vrain is the author of “The Big Book of False Etymologies” (Oxford, 1978) and, writing as Amber Feldhammer, is editor of the classic anthology of confessional poetry, “My Underwear” (Virago, 1997).

“Leonardo the Enlightened Lion” by Ralph Ganesha Jefferson

Once Leonardo defeated the old king and began to rule the pride, he evolved into a more modern lion — more sensitive, more sharing, and more mindful. While he did not trim his mane or become less manly, he transitioned to a new kind of male.

First he decided no longer to bite the necks of the lionesses whom he mounted. Instead he wooed them gently with wine and flowers. He was a considerate mounter — always taking care that the experience was sweet for his lionesses. He learned to roar more musically.

And soon after, he gave up the custom of breaking the backs of the kittens of the previous king. Instead, he nurtured the babies and brought them porridge and toys and stuffed animals. Nor did he drive the juvenile males into the bush. He taught them to dance and to draw and to meditate.

And finally Leonardo stopped treating other animals as prey. He became a gazelle guardian. Conscious of the environment, he encouraged all in his pride to eat organic fruits and vegetables and wholesome ancient grains.

Nowadays Leonardo the enlightened lion starts each day with a large bowl of gluten-free granola and yoghurt.

He's into wellness.

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